Santa Barbara Triathlon Training Weekend: The Barbarian Challenge

The encyclopedia defines the word "Barbarian" as: A "noble savage" often represented as a "lone warrior".

Several characteristics commonly shared by Barbarians:

• Extreme physical prowess
• A robust tolerance for pain
• Unmatched fighting skill & competitive fitness
• An appetite for, and the ability to attract the opposite sex
• Paleo eating
• A thirst for large amounts of alcohol
• A blending of British, Germanic, Austrian and nomadic Turco-Mongol cultures
• A strong sorcery element that is almost never used by the Barbarian character, just don’t piss him off
• Violently passionate, modern Hollywood Barbarian may possess 'Tiger Blood'

The Kain Performance Santa Barbara Training Weekend has its own version of "Barbarian" and draws many parallels to the fantasy version. Coach Kain set up the challenge: Eight workouts in three days. Finish all workouts plus a few push-ups & crunches…and be crowned a "Santa Barbarian"!

The folks who completed all the workouts were characterized by extreme physical prowess, a very robust tolerance for pain, at times violently passionate when confronted with extreme cold water, lots of meat eating while socializing with attractive men and women at an incredible Barbarian-style feast, with large quantities of alcohol.

They weren’t confronted, so did not need to show off their fighting skills, but definitely threw the hammer down when given a chance. These Barbarians were tough, were not fazed by the hours of brutality they endured while swimming in frigid water, cycling for hours and running on tired legs! These Barbarians went about their business with smiles and laughter and even had that extra energy to take shots!

Here’s how it went down: Kain Performance hit Santa Barbara on a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L weekend! The weather was the cherry on top of an epic weekend. After Coach Kain’s issued the "Santa Barbarian" challenge, the first workout had great attendance, with about 30 "eager & ready" would-be Barbarians! We started with a smooth 40 minute endurance pace run along the coast path. We initiated our first set of 50 push-ups and 50 crunches; then dove into the Santa Barbara Masters Swim Workout at the Los Banos Pool – how often do you get to swim in a 50 meter pool right on the Harbor?! We swam for just over an hour and got in some good "quality" speed sets! 1500-3200 meters were covered.

Some continued on to the "Endless Summer Cafe" and had a crazy Kain style dinner, with a few shots for some would-be Barbarians! A small group [that shall go unnamed] crawled from bar to bar on State Street for some late night shenanigans; one required a late-night designated driver! Thank you Ryan & Reza for your patience and assistance.

On Saturday, we woke up to a beautiful day with sunny skies, which made getting in the 56 degree water a bit more bearable. Whoa! the "Barbarians" had grown overnight to about 40 strong. I guess a few people had to work on Friday! ALMOST everyone took the plunge into the Pacific Ocean and swam a "loop" of 500 meters. A few of the toughest "Barbarians" did the loop 2-3 times. A great way to start the day, but it was COLD! Many THANKS to Jana "Banana" Crane, Lori "this is my 5th KP SB Weekend" Bradford and Jody "Slackeress" Gold for their help on the Stand Up Paddle Boards. Thanks to Coach Paul "I only ride" Gallo for being the Team Photographer and to Ryan "Good to be back" Reed for being the human "buoy" on the beach!

We thawed out and indulged in stacks of blueberry wheat germ pancakes, then it was on the bikes for our annual 70 mile ride to Ventura, around Lake Casitas. Imagine the high-energy scene when 20+ cyclists hit the freeway all at once! Can you say Kain Train?! Everyone made it through the freeway section in one piece, with NO FLATS! We stopped in Ventura for a quick drink break, and then headed out toward the Lake. This ride is tough, as most of the climbing is during the final 30 miles, not the first 30. The group stayed together until the climbs, and then spread into two groups.

Coach Russell "Who's my Baby Daddy" Shaw led a solid front group which included: Lihan "I'll take some dinner with my Scotch" Wang, Bill "I'm gonna kick Lihan's butt" Wang, Bastian "The German Hammer" Bartels, Tim "Hammer Head" Reynolds, Ryan "Bring it On" Wall, Suzanne "Just Married" Slivkoff, Randy "I ALREADY DID MY IRONMAN" Pufahl , Karl "with a K" Haunold, Glenn "The Sleeper" Blackler and Tony "The Austrian Sensation" Jager.

Coach "Never Late" Kain and Coach "Yodel-ay-hee-hoo" Sharoo led the second and third group on climbs. Off the bike, it was running the 3-4 miles flat to Stearns Wharf and back. After a short clothing optional soak, we met up at The Fish House Restaurant for a barbarian feast.

After two days of sleuthing for little known facts, Jody & Pete surprised everyone with a Trivia Quiz "How well do you know you’re KP Teammates". We learned A LOT about each other! Long time member Eric "FEAR THE BEARD" Ventry won the quiz contest earning him a free dinner! Nice work Eric!

The next morning we conquered yet another frigid ocean swim. More than 20 took the plunge! After the swim, the focus was a scenic run along the coast. We did about 12 miles, with Glenn Blackler and Russell Shaw leading the charge. Everyone had a great run, then it was onto another "wheat germ carbon pancake fest"!

The final workout of the weekend was a no-drop spin through Hope Ranch to Goleta Beach and back. The "Santa Barbarian" group was a bit tired by now, but still charging ahead - 40 cyclists made up another KAIN TRAIN!

Thanks to all who made the Santa Barbara Training Weekend a success!
Thank you Jody Gold for making all the arrangements for a great weekend!
Thank you Lori Bradford & Jana Crane for their SUP support during the ocean swims!
Thanks you Coaches Paul Gallo, Randy Pufahl, Russell Shaw and Karl Haunold!

Estimated Workout Totals:

Swim, up to 3 miles
Bike, 90 -130 miles
Run, up to 20 miles
250 Push-ups
250 Crunches

Kain Performance Santa Barbarians: They did it all! This group is tough! Here is the list of those who completed every workout, our Barbarians:

Females
Laura "Is that all" Coyne
Kathy "Austria here I come "Hoyer
Suzanne "Marriage is Bliss" Slivkoff
Carol "My back is Fine" Fredrickson
Christiana "Sub 16 Austria" Riedl
Della "Lovin it"Flint
Laurie "I did it all" Boswell
Danelle "Hangin' Tough"Moon
Coach Sharoo "Queen of the Skirts" Kain

Males
Bastian "German Hammer" Bartels
Tony "Austrian Sensation" Jager
Bill "2nd Time Barbarian" Wang
Randy "Don't Bother Knocking if the RV is Rockin!" Pufahl
Ryan "Designated Driver" Wall (How Boring!)
Reza "Compartment What?" Navid
Eric "I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night" Ventry
Glenn "the Picasso of cycling" Blackler
Karl "Check Out My Sweet Van" Haunold

Some were close, but missing just one (or two) workouts, but that won’t get you Barbarian status (Duh!) so maybe next year…

Jody "Santa Barbarina?!" Gold (did ALMOST everything)
Russell "Missed the final bike ride" Shaw
Lihan "Winner Winner Chicken Dinner " Wang
Tim "Fast Ball" Reynolds
Lori "Wha-SUP!" Bradford
Jana "Boston or Bust" Crane
Melody "What Ankle Surgery?!" Casillas
Jon"Southern California Hotty"Hippo
Mike "The Linebacker" Ferguson
Ted "2006 Bench Press World Champ" Ornduff

Coach "Who’s idea was this anyway" Kain (actually swam one ocean swim, but surf paddled the second! Had to miss the Sat run, but road 85 miles. Did all push-ups/crunches and everything else.)

Great job! Put 2012 on your schedule now! Picasa photos shown to the right... and found on Facebook.

Thanks, Coach’s Pete + Sharoo (and a little help from The Slackeress)
www.kainperformance.com